Life is boring and exciting all in the span of hours. I'm just breezing through and counting it all joy.
In a rut.
In a jam.
In a bind.
Out of time.
I have been trying to ignore the ever present feeling and now it has come in so closely that it’s practically ever other thought. My mind is subconsciously searching for something, anything, else. Something new, maybe. To excite and reignite me.
Our daily grind? My clothes? The color on my walls? My bank account brings me back to the ground. Luckily (or unluckily?) I am not financially prepared to just throw everything in our entire home off the balcony and start from scratch. But that’s how I feel. As if the things that surround me every where I turn are just caving inward. I have been hesitant to admit that even after 3 years, this place does not feel like home to me. I’ve experienced the worst days of my life in this place. And though I’ve graduated from daily reminders, there’s no fooling my soul. And I’m tired of this low, dull, ache in my days. Praying builds me, but also continues to seem to guide my thoughts to Atlanta. And wondering if my family would fit there. If I could fit there, again.
Ick. Does spring cleaning cure this parasitic emotion? Maybe I’ll stop by the market and snag some flowers on my way home in the morning. ‘Til then, I’ll just focus on being still.
I came across this at such a perfect time in my life.
Don’t dare let anyone make you feel like you’re not as awesome as you are. How could you let regular ol’ people you don’t even like take the glory out of your precious days?
Do your own damn thing. You deserve it.
Amen, amen, and amen again. We’re supposed to get through shit, not stay there. Let’s drop the baggage and let our arms rest a bit. Maybe then, we’ll have more strength to dance and rejoice in all of the joy that is waiting for us.